it's just so hard to start all over again

first day in nj is pretty bad.

1. i have zero crescentians in my og and no one really tries to make friends with each other. besides my og is flooded with rv ppl. i only made 1 new friend. pathetic

2. i always try to run back to zifang and chuting for the simple reason that i need friends to survive. (seeing a yellow and blue uniform amidst the white is enough to make me sit up straighter in my seat and put a smile to my face even if i dont really know that crescentian)

3. the first week is filled with talks. which means it's boring and there's no chance to make new friends

4. nj doesn't offer the subject combi i want. but i'm just hoping for the best.

5. i chicken out of china studies in chinese last minute after the intro class

6. i'm suffering from school blues )= it gives me a headache whenever i think about it. and i really mean the physical aspect of headache

7. all i can do i keep praying that things will get better

ok, i've resorted to listing things down like that because it really gets too tiring plus emotional if i try to add in my feelings. i almost cried so many times today. but i stopped myself because i'll look really silly and like a baby if i did. and while i was on the phone with my mother during lunch break to tell her about my decision to change my combi, my voice was cracking and i almost cried. but i quickly hung up anyway cause it was time for china studies intro class.

i reach home pretty early today and just slept the afternoon away because my thoughts will start to wonder if i stay up. i've never felt so horrible in my life before...))))=

at least school starts late tmr which means lesser time spent with people i dont know. and i should be able to go home with chuting for the next few days of orientation. you dont know how good it feels to see familiar faces. i think i'm sounding like an anti-social brat. but it's really so hard. there's so many moments when i really question my choice. if nj is really the place for me. so many combi restrictions etc. i'm sorry if i offend any njc-ians here but i'm typing my true blue feelings for my dear friends in crescent who wants to know how i'm coping. i dont think i'm up to phone calls because i'll just cry. and i dont want to worry my parents (just not yet)

i'm hoping that the next few days get better. i'll keep holding on, because i know that it's important for me to make new friends and a new school. (if not i would be ponning school, really)

Dear Father in heaven,
please give me the courage to forge new friendships in this new college. Please give me the obedience to accept what comes my way. i may not be happy right now, but i know at the very least i have You by my side watching over me. Please, give me the peace and calm to settle down soon.
In Jesus name i pray,
Amen

signed and sealed with love at...9:38 PM
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