the only constant thing in life is change

as the hours ticked by and the days fly away, i start to get more worried, anxious, stress, scared etc for school. i'm really afraid. i dont know why i'm feeling this way. bahhh, and i was talking to zifang about subject combi earlier and i've more or less decided that i'm not going to take chem at all. but i still got to discuss with the parentals. but i guess they'll probably agree with what i'm suggesting like what they always do. and i'm not too keen on going for the test for china studies. why must have test?! shitty. i know nothing about china. boohoo.

i hate changes. i really do. i'm a person who likes to stick to the norm and be in an environment i'm familiar with. imagine having to adapt to a whole new environment and making new friends all over again. i'm not exactly a very socialable person. i only open-up when i know you well. so you can imagine the horror i'm facing when moving on to jc. what if i get ostracized? what if i've got no friends? what if i cant make it into my first choice combi? what if i feel very stressed in nj? what if i cant stay in nj after the first month? what if... so many uncertainties. i really dont know what to expect. sometimes i wish i was a little kid all over again so that i can hide behind my mummy and let her do all the talking. it's times like this when i realise how dependent i am on my family and friends. how much i seek comfort from them and the familiarities i've taken for granted. all the worrying gets so bad i keep tossing and turning in bed for hours before i can get to sleep. ))= it seems like sec one all over again, just very much worst this time. (i wonder how i survive first day of sec one in crescent)

anyway, let's see reflections for 2007 in point form.

good things:
- # getting better
- daddy taking a long rest, got better and eventually got a new job
- working together and not alone with all the other sec 4s (esp chuting, zifang and edwyna) in order to get good grades. all the times we spent tgt studying and doing endless past year papers
- surviving prelims and eventually o's
- doing better than what i expected for prelims
- getting a1 for chi o's
- dedicated teachers who are willing to work hard like the students in order to help us
- enjoying my last few months in I&E, having a blast with my beloved comm and jnrs
- getting to present business proposal to Faber Tours
- getting to make my last speech to I&E which i spent hours on and didn't end up crying halfway
- comm outings etc
- I&E end of year camp was a blast like always (but 2006 camp beats everything hands down cuz my comm did it! hehe)
(ok there's alot i can be thankful about for enterprise. so i better stop here)
- numerous outings with * and sometimes **, so we got pretty close
- 2 sleepovers!
- finding the joy in making things for friends
- prom was pretty fun too (if you forget about the pissing parts)
- finding comfort in God
- relying in God for help and encouragement instead of my own
- 4C3 getting class of the year
- receiving colours award for enterprise
- crazy partying etc after o's
- getting into nj for PAE
- my birthday with both I&E and my best friends from both crescent and nanyang

Not so good things of 2007:
- stepping down from I&E and exco forever
- getting too caught up with studying at times and end up neglecting many other things
- being rude/insensitive to my parents when i'm studying/v stressed
- # still not entirely well
- getting easily stressed/upset after each major paper. be it prelims or o's
- all the stupid things i've done
- all the things i wanted but didn't get down to doing
- for not treasuring certain things/people
- for all the times i hurt my friends
- when i was spiritually weak and lacked the faith in God

ok...i'm kinda blank now cuz i want to block out my negative thoughts about school next yr. but all in all, 2007 was a pretty good year. very stressful and upsetting to study for one entire yr, but at least it gave me a short term purpose. i know exactly what i'm supposed to do each day i come home from school. at least i dont spend time thinking too much and being emo.

i'm chatting to kaiting online and i'm glad she can provide answers to many of my ques. at least i feel a tad bit more at ease. yea...i hope everything goes well.

actually i wanted to do a summary of 2007 in pictures, but i'm lazy to upload each picture one by one. hehe

signed and sealed with love at...8:36 PM
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