you placed a smile on my face, just to steal it away when you left

ok...just a quickie since i haven't been updating. actually my mind is pretty much in a whirl right now i can't think straight. so it's gonna be one of those random rantings and stuff again. don't read if you dont have the time.

so saturday morning was spent in school for history lecture. was alright since i read through the chap beforehand. went over to chup's place to study and stuff. we spent alot of time doing history notes and planning a study schedule for all the subjects. just looking at the schedule makes me damn stressed. like so many things to study in a day it's really impossible! i really feel like crying everytime i look at it. i want to do well for prelims, i want to be able to get the grades i'm capable of. but then i'm always fighting against time, only to be the one losing at the end of the day. very depressing indeed. my only comfort is that i'll try my very best and leave the rest in His hands like what i shared during sunday school ytd.

and i'm feeling rather guilty sometimes because i've stopped going for teen fellowship again. not like i was very regular for the past 6 mths, but at least i go every once a month. but not anymore. and i always find excuses for myself (which is really unacceptable) i struggle with the idea every saturday and somehow manage to convince myself that i can use the time to study instead. but that's not right. and i know it better than anyone else. i just cant find the strength to go anymore. hiaz...struggle struggle struggle. i hope i make it there next saturday. but comfort is that i'll def be going on the 28 since i need to ling shi. [i hope this doesnt get to any adult in church. esp _____] \=

ok what else. you know i'm really so stressed up cause it's just like 41 days to prelims and i'm nowhere near my goal. i know it's shitass boring to read bout this like every other post but yea. i'm just damn worried about everything. if only i'm in an IP school. or i have rich ass parents who can just send me overseas if i dont do well. actl they shud be able to, just that i don't want to tax on them anymore than i can help.

my school kinda keeps my spirit up more or less (weird i know). but at least i won't keep staring at my schedule and start freaking out but end up not doing anything. aunties, uncle and cousins are like staying in my hse now and it's really noisy and not conducive at all for studying. argh. they're going out for dinner tonight and i'm taking the opportunity to get some work done. i hope. \= i really need to go shopping!! but i dont deserve it.

HARRY POTTER ON THURS!!! my only hope and motivation.

signed and sealed with love at...6:16 PM
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