no one else can speak the word on your lips

you know. sometimes i really question what i did during that time. i put in so much time, so much effort and neglected so other many things just to do my job well as a CEO. i've always thought it was worthwhile. i always enjoyed (and i still am) what i did during that time. but sometimes when i think of it, maybe i'm just a puppet in your hands. you use me when you need help, and chuck me away now that i'm no longer needed. every single time i have to keep reminding you to do a certain thing. i know you're busy and all, but can you just but in that 1% of effort. it's not too difficult to just attach the doc and send it to me right? that's only like 1% of what i need to do you know? i keep waiting and waiting. and then you give me all sort of excuses. ok...so mayb it's wrong for me to have my doubts. i shouldn't judge people. but the one thought that i might just be that puppet in your hands totally sucks. and seriously, sometimes the joy and satisfaction it gives me just surpass all the negative parts of being a CEO. all the stress and pressure i had to go through. and expectations people had of me. sometimes i just feel so lost. almost as if i dont know myself anymore. aiya. i should stop being an emoshitxzxz and just keep my mind on the happy thoughts. but ultimately, i know that it's the experience and joy i had that matters. i shall not be affected by just one person. she's just a person that's crossing my life afterall. i really wonder why i trusted you in the first place. damn. i'm sucha monster i hate myself

school's pretty alright today. i got full marks for a math!! penny ang mentioned my name altho a thousand others got full marks as well. must be because there won't be another chance. hahas. i'm happy for abi too (=

i was pretty upset ytd when i found out that i didn't get a colours award altho i pretended i was ok. anyhows, chem prac and the rest of the day kinda kept my mind off things. but i figured that i will get it if it's meant to be. if i dont then its just too bad. shows how unfair life is i guess. and i'm just gonna accept it. anyhows the experience is enough to cheer me up when i feel down like times like these. (and i shall eventually learn how to shut all those stupid ppl out of my life. like i said, you not happy come and tell me in my face la. bitch behind for what!) but too bad, i'm no longer CEO so i dont care!

i really want to go on a long long holiday and just relax. but it's impossible since i would be going with my parents (they dont allow me to go with friends). and with the family around (aka: brother) it wouldn't be relaxing at all. too bad if you dont understand.

i NEED to go tanning. it's a NEED! chuting calls me white chicken cuz my legs are really like fair and you can even see the veins underneath. too many long pants. and i currently have 4 huge blueblacks on my leg. i dont even know how i got it.

i really wonder when it will really end???

signed and sealed with love at...6:06 PM
>>>