plug in those earplugs and pretend nothing's wrong

blogger is in one of its moods, and so am i.

had english prelim oral earlier on. and i think i screwed up my passage reading and conversation. i was just stumbling through the passage. i don't know what's wrong with me but i can't seem to pronounce my words. and conversation just didn't go as well as i wanted too. the only thing i'm thankful was that the picture was manageable and mrs leo said that i covered all the points without her asking when i wanted to continue on before she stopped me. and i was extremely surprised that audrey neo knew that i was enterprise head. cuz there was a conversation question which i linked to enterprise but i didn't mention my cca. when i said that i as a cca head had to step in etc etc. she stopped me halfway and asked "enterprise head right?" which totally caught me off guard. i think i was gaping at her for a split second before answering.

so mids are in a week and i'm still not prepared! i'm so so so scared. i just know that i won't be able to do well. i really want that single point and try for DSA. thought it through and decided that if i do well enough for mids i'll try for DSA. but somehow i just know that i won't do well. and i don't deserve to do well either since i'm doing last minute studying again. i was feeling rather down this whole week i even considered going to poly instead. i'm not saying that poly is lousy or whatever (becuz it really isnt!) but just that it seems my future is so bleak and i'll go nowhere in life. and to those who think i'm trying to be humble or sth, i'm not. i just feel so down. i don't exactly know why either.

and i was rather upset this morning when i heard that all selected councillors are to go for the ED. i know that this evaluation by MOE is really important to crescent and it determines if we remain as an autonomous school or not, but the stakes are high and i really need the time for myself. i know this sounds selfish and stupid and bitchy, but i'm being frank here. there would be intensive practice on monday and tuesday. and then the interview itself will be held on wednesday, thursday and friday. which means the whole week would be burnt. and friday is english paper already. i really just want to be left in peace and allowed to go home and mug. i was really really so upset i wanted to cry when i heard the news.

maybe i'm acting this way cuz i'm falling sick again. throat burns and all. why must i fall sick during exam period? i realise i always do when i'm stressed. not good at all.

zifang says that my blog entries are all depressing and moody. and i guess she's right. nothing seems to go right anymore. it's just setbacks after setbacks.

i guess i'm really burnt out after lower sec.



like i said loads of times before, enterprise is the only thing that cheers me up (and even i&e is gone now)

signed and sealed with love at...6:22 PM
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