i'm going back to crescent tomorrow. i cant wait to see the familiar red parade square, the familiar sea of yellow and peacock green, the pigeon holes where we stuffed our mountains of essays before the o's, the library where we had steaming cups of milo while mugging our asses off, the fact that i could walk straight into any toilet and not worry that i'm in the male's toilet, i can sit and talk like an ahlian without worrying that people would start to judge me and give me weird looks. the bottomline is, i miss my second home and i dont know when i'll really start to feel that way in jc (wherever i am even after jae).

i'm already tearing as the past memories come flooding back while typing this entry. but i hope i dont break down tomorrow. i want to be strong for my juniors, for you, you and you. and most importantly for myself. crying doesn't solve anything and it only makes matters worst in certain cases. i'm happy to be back in crescent tomorrow, even if it's just for awhile. i need to be happy, to show that i'm happy.

ok, enough about lamenting. it's only the 3rd day of official lectures and tutorials and i have homework piling up. not a good sign at all. i dont understand why people say first month is honey moon, because it doesnt seem that way with people finishing their tutorials way ahead of time and looking as if they understand every single thing the lecturer is talking about. it's stressful and eats up my soul bit by bit as i realise how inadequate i am. i'm so tired i really dont feel like going to school anymore. i'll probably sound like the world's biggest loser lately, but this is one of the only few ways i get to pen down my thoughts and sort them out.

maybe i'll look back one day and laugh at how immatured and childish i am right now. and frankly speaking, i despise myself for being such a weakling right now. where's the drive in me? no matter how little i had to start with, at least it was there. but not anymore.

goodbye emo yuexi, hello to my second home.

signed and sealed with love at...10:50 PM
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