and with a tear in my eye, give me the sweetest goodbye (from laura's friendster picture caption)

we've received individual timetables today and mine is rather shitty. like i only have lessons till 1030 tomorrow and i've got to wait all the way till about 1340 for CAAL which only ends at 1510. )= i really dont know what i should do to kill time? maybe i should attempt to get myself fit by running on the track tomorrow. but it would look so funny to do it alone and i dont know anyone else who has similar timetable as me. or maybe i should just force myself to sit down and read through plate tectonics, do math and probably find out the lecture times for chemistry so that i could sit in. tomorrow is not the only day with lots of empty slots between lessons.

i'm so emotionally drained each day i just come home at 3plus and sleep all the way till 6. sleep allows me to stop thinking about the future, about results day which should be in about a week's time, about what is in store for me. and i tend to eat alot when i'm stressed. which is a really really bad thing. it's kind of pointless to talk to anyone about my fears anymore, because i've either told them or it's just the same few advices. ultimately the decision lies in me and myself. no one can help me make the choice. i guess i just need to take a break from it all. talk to everyone about anything except school/jc life/results/cca. i just want to pretend that nothing is going wrong in my life and i'm in absolute control like in the past.

why is it that everyone else is having no problems at all settling down while i'm taking such a long time. i didn't expect to feel this way at all. it's so much worst than i thought. maybe i'm not giving myself a chance, but whenever i try to smile, it just feels so fake. i've never smiled from the bottom of my heart for a long time and that's really tiring.

signed and sealed with love at...8:41 PM
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