i dont need a reason

today was 6h outing day. only joined the group for lunch but i must say it was way better than the last few gatherings because there were more girls this time round (sorry i come from a girl's school so...) and we finally opened up more and talked to each other. it was great having mrs chong around. to think it has been almost 3 yrs since the last time we saw her. but she hasn't changed much and i'm glad she said that i didn't change too. hehe. yups. so we spent a really long time just talking and catching up. and the guys going to HC and RJ freaks me out. now i really see the difference in students from top-notch sec schools and those from average ones like myself. it can be both good and bad, i guess. good in the sense that they have the confidence to climb greater heights. but the down side is i find them really scary and as a student from an average school, i'll really be afraid to have them as classmates. sometimes i really wish i have the kind of confidence they have in themselves. but i guess i dont have it and i'll just remain the way i am. somehow i'm really afraid to go to nj now. like i'll be meeting pro people like those in my pri school and i really dont like to be the bottom like how i was in pri school. it's tough. and really really discouraging. (at least for me) there are times when i really doubt if nj is the place for me. i know i should have faith in God, and it's only this faith that i'm holding on to when i step past the gates of nj in january. i dont think anyone else will share the same kinda warped feelings i'm experiencing right now. hiaz. it's really draining to think of my life from now. in just 2 more years i'll be sitting for A levels. and i dont know where i'll go from there. will i do badly and not make it to uni? or will i remain in a singapore uni? or will i go overseas? there's so much uncertainty in the future and it really scares me. after my sixteenth birthday, i really do feel so much older. as if the gates have suddenly open and the weight of the world starts to haunt you. not that i'm even an adult yet. but if i'm suffocating now, what more in the future?

ok...sorry for digressing so far. back the 6H gathering. we had lunch and fish and co, glasshouse. then the guys wanted to go play pool. so after much persuasion from them, the girls decided to go watch them for a while. but sk and i didn't know that i was almost 4.30pm already and we had shopping plans! so we walked with the rest halfway and decided to say our goodbyes before rushing off. i'm so sorry for going back on our words halfway!

in any case we went to town and walked around trying to find a white dress but to no avail. and we decided to go for mani and pedi! it's my first time. dont laugh! anyway we wanted to use this student promo for express mani+pedi at just 20 bucks! but it was past 6 so we didn't satisfy the terms and conditions. but in any case we made an appointment at another shop cuz the shop with promo had such bad service! they didn't even bother to answer our questions properly. grr...dislike such people who look down on students. not like we dont have the money to pay. and what's more alot of revenue can be earned from just students alone ok! then while waiting for the appointment time, we went to walk around tangs and taka in search of a 7 bucks gift exchange present. but there wasn't anything suitable for guys! or at least unisex. argh...i really have no clue what guys want. so someone pls enlighten me?? it's realyl urgent cause i need it for gift exchange on 24th at liting's house. and orchard was crawling with throngs of people which i didn't really like. so we were kinda late for our appointment but we still had to wait. i love my nail colour and nail art now although it was over my budget! but never mind, it was a good experience. i hope it lasts till the day before school reopens. i was actually considering christmas colours but decided to go for dark brown instead since i've been wanting that colour since prom. it's so pretty! just that my nails are too short and it doesn't look that nice. and suikim's pedi is nice too! hoho. i shall go for a proper one to get my cuticles cut soon. maybe before * wedding so i can have nice nails! but it's so wasted to just get my nails painted for the weekend. why must she have it on the first week of school?? boohoo. anw thanks suikim for accompanying me for mani and i hope you like your pedi! and sorry if you mum was pissed. \=

anw i cant wait to meet up with suikim and liting on monday, and then eddy, zifang and chuting on some other day. last week alr! i need to rest but also catch up with them before the horrors of jc. boohoo. i dont know if i should stay home more or go out more. but i've been going out alot lately and i really need to stay home for some personal time. and not to forget clear up my desk for new stuff. i really cant bear to part with my textbooks and notes, not after going through and entire grueling and stressful yr with them. they've been my support and source of knowledge and in just one month they have lost their value. hiaz. hahas. somehow o's gave me a purpose. now that it's over, i dont know how to settle down for jc anymore. and then the wave of apprehension starts to consume me....

signed and sealed with love at...10:58 PM
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