Thursday, September 27, 2007
with all my heart, i thank you Lord
alright. i'm sacrificing my 1 post in 2 weeks for this special entry.
remember all the emo posts i had before and during prelims? remember all the times when i broke down and ranted about all the uncertainty i was feeling? Remember the times when i said i'll definitely fail? But most importantly remember the times when i had the faith that God would lead me to the place that is best for me? well, i've always held on to that faith but of course there will be times when i become spiritually weak and then succumb to all those thoughts in my head. But God has been faithful and has never ever failed me in my tiring walk in this life. I'm extremely thankful. Thank you. He lead me through the troubled waters to the green pastures. now i understand that particular verse to a deeper level. although the final hurdle is not over, i know for sure and can trust that You'll walk with me through it all. There's nothing i need to be afraid of.
so we all got back our results today. With moderation i did pretty well. L1R5=8(it might change to a 7 if math is moderated).too bad my english is A2, if not it might come to a perfect score of 6! but never mind, learning to be content with what i have. (= it's more than what i can ask for already. to others it might not be anything amazing since q abit of people got at least a 7. but to me i guess it's good enough cause i've always been getting a 12 for upper sec.
ok...so this might be contrary to my reaction in school these 2 days, but after sitting down and thinking it through at home. i decided it's time for me to praise the Lord instead of asking myself why haven't i done better. i cant say that i feel completely at ease with my results since i did deprove in certain subjects. For example e and a math. first time in my entire upper sec life did i get A2 (for both somemore). i was really upset yesterday and couldn't help but allow those tears to fall. but thinking about it, it could have been worst. And despite the fact that i did deprove for those 2 subjects, i improved for higher chinese, chemistry, combine humanities and geography. And i did manage to get 2 A1s before moderation this time. for that i'm really glad. I guess i just got to work harder for my physics and maths. to say the truth, i felt so inadequate the past few days. i felt as if i wasn't good enough for anything. i felt that i'll just do extremely bad for o's although i managed to survive prelims. you might think i'm crazy. but my self-confidence did went all the way to the bottom. and i seriously contemplated dropping physics (actually i still am). chuting can be a good alibi of all the swinging emotions i had. i'm glad she was by my side. (= Thank you, girl. but i've gotton over that phase, more or less. although i still lack the confidence that i'll be able to achieve my goals for o's, but at least my results this time boosted me up a little. i'm just praying that at least i can maintain my L1R5 at 8 for o's.
it's quite ironical how i was fretting over the fact that there wont be any schools for me to go to with my results. and now that the prelim results are officially released, i'm fretting over which school to go to. i really dont know where to go. edwyna and chuting are highly possibly going to ____ while i dont know if i want to go there. but if i dont, i got no friends to go ___ with me. )= aiya, like i said many times, i hate making decisions. if only i live in the east, then i'll definitely go __.
i shall see how it goes. and should i drop my physics? it's like neither here nor there. it's below average based on class msg, but then i've already come so far. finished the entire syllabus and paid for $100 per session tuitions. is it worth it to give up now? but then again, holding on and not sure if getting an A1 is within my capabilities is another worrying factor. if i do a subject, i really want to do it to the best. and keeping this subject means i need to work super hard on it. but dropping it means i've got more time to salvage my weaker subjects. hiaz. i dont know what to do. \=
but anyhows, i'm really thankful with what i have. it's only with God's grace have i managed to pull through it all. He's really the shepherd of my life.
and of course all my supportive friends for being there. (=
signed and sealed with love at...4:26 PM
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