290591
sixteen
crescent
4c3'06
i&e clubber
CEO'0607
exco'0607
christian
fisherman of christ (teens)
jessy_thng@hotmail.com

him to be well
GO TUANQI!!!!
at least 165
be more toned
lose 3kg
skin to be better
more clothes
single digit L1R5
better public speaking skills
graphic tee
money to get what i want! =D
overseas trip with friends
guess handbag
handbags/tote bags
shoes/heels/wedges/pumps
skinny jeans
ride singapore flyer
more time!
cute dress
cute mini pouch for my mp3
nice prom dress asap
new laptop (light blue VAIO pretty please!)
night out at marina bay with my lovelies

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Coding: 37seductions}
Hosted: Blogger, Photobucket
Picture: emptiness., the XANGA site
Brushes: Deviantart

all results were back today. combine humans was a shocker i kinda screamed. hahas. especially SBQ. and geog was dissapointing yet ok at the same time. at least i didn't fail or sth. but i didn't get an A. )= oh...add math was a total shocker too. to think that i cried so hard on edwyna's lap after paper 1. i'm glad. i'm really really extremely thankful for every single result i got back. be it good or bad. i know that i relied on God this time. if i relied on myself, i would be failing everything. so yea...and it was comforting to know that i really didn't do as bad as i was prepared for. and for that i'm really really glad.

while the rest went for MTL intensive, the rest of us were packed into the seminar room in arts conser. and struggling to complete e math prelim paper 2. i was just like dying cuz i wasn't prepared to do a paper. and we had to complete it. so i was complaining and complaining and got so frustrated when i didn't know how to do vectors that i kinda vented on chuting. i'm sorry! and halfway thru there was an announcement made thru the PA system about DSA briefing and all. and it suddenly struck me that with my L1R5, it's impossible to apply for DSA anywhere. and i started to think alot and become even more frustrated at everything. i just had such a strong urge to throw down my pen, walk outta the room and start crying my eyeballs out.

i know i said that i would be glad and thankful for whatever results i get. but i guess the selfish side got the better of me and it just struck me that i let myself down because of my decisions and actions before the mids. i really want to apply for DSA, but now i just ruined it with my own hands for not working hard enough. it just sucks alot you know. knowing that u want something yet you know you haven't work hard enough to deserve it. and i don't know. i was so bothered by it the rest of the day. and there's this constant battle inside me. one telling me to be thankful and satisfied with what God has given me, while the other just can't help to question why haven't i done better. sucks sucks sucks. some people tell me to just have faith and do well for the o's and not rely on DSA. yet others tell me to try.

chuting keeps asking me why do i want DSA so much. and i guess the answer is because i want a safe way out. i admit that i'm a coward. i'm afraid of losing. i'm afraid of underperforming during o levels. and i want to secure myself a place in a jc. i don't have faith in myself. anything can happen during the o's and i don't want to disappoint myself or anyone. i've seen enough of the seniors crying over their results when they have even done better for the prelims then o's. i'm afraid that i'll lose my motivation to study (like this yr). and i'm not confident of finding that fighting spirit i had in lower sec. i'm just a coward.

yet again, i don't want to "feel like a hostage to the decisions i made". just like now. shit.

so many unanswered questions. like i'm thinking of combining my sciences as well. but no one seems to know the jc system well enough to give me good advices. (or if they even bother to) and i'm just feeling so lost. i dont want to regret my decisions.